Urban Commuter’s Method to Boarding Even the Most Jampacked MRT/LRT Trains!

I’ve seen it happen all too often: the commuter gets to the MRT or LRT platform in a sweaty rush, the train arrives jampacked as usual, and the commuter can’t get in the door from the sheer number of passengers. A second train passes, same thing. A third train passes, maybe he gets lucky. Often he is not. Often that commuter is you. I know this firsthand because before I perfected this surefire MRT/LRT boarding procedure, I was that same commuter — forever late for his appointments because there very rarely are empty MRT trains!

Well, don’t let this happen to YOU!
Now you can be the one jumping aboard the first train that rolls in. READ ON FOR THE JUICY SECRETS!

A typical MRT station platform ... in Thailand hahaha!STEP 1. FIND YOUR WAITING SPOT
Before the train rolls in, you must be positioned exactly where the doors will open. You know this because there are usually markings on the platform which tell you where to stand. Find a spot where there are less people.

It is imperative to position yourself TO THE RIGHT OR LEFT of that marking. You do not want to be in the center because this is where the people disembarking will exit.

(a) Never position yourself behind a couple holding hands. They will end up blocking your entry point if they can’t squeeze in. And even if they do get to squeeze in, the man will probably block your handhold, in an effort to protect his sweetheart from untoward pelvises. STAY CLEAR of LOVERS!

(b) If you are a woman riding the Taft LRT, go to the first car of the train. This is reserved for the women. No men allowed, aside from senior citizens and disabled. It will be easier to push your way into a traincar filled with your own gender.

Even while people are disembarking from the open doors, you must quickly scan the entryway. You must find a spot on either the left or right side of the door.

Now, find a HANDHOLD! (see diagram with red #1) There is usually a metal bar on either the left or right sides, immediately inside of the doorway. Grab it and hold on even if you’re still standing on the platform and not yet in the car. Grab it even if the man next to it eyes you with frustration. Don’t mind him! If these metal bars are inaccessible, you can hold on to the area above the door. Just make sure to stay clear of the emergency brake. If there are no HANDHOLDS, ABORT! You will not be able to hold on. Wait for the next train.

Now, since you’re already holding onto something, boost yourself into the crowded car. Find a FOOTHOLD— some space on the floor big enough for even just ONE FOOT. (See diagram with red #2.) Now you’re onboard! Congrats!

This method of entry will work even if your butt is sticking out of the doorway in a really jampacked car. Why? The majority of the MRT/LRT train doors slide to the sides AND outwards. Therefore when these doors close, they will push your butt back into the car. Even if the doors are the simple horizontal sliding doors, they will not fully close if you are blocking the way, which buys you more time to squeeze into your spot. And no matter HOW CROWDED A CAR IS, there is always room enough for you. Trust me on this. Pakapalan lang ng mukha ito.

(a) For security’s sake: don’t put valuables in your pockets. Especially back pockets. Keep them in a shoulder sling bag (hopefully with a zippered main pocket instead of buttons, and hopefully not a knapsack) which you can swivel to the front of you. This way you can see if someone is reaching inside your bag, PLUS, you can use the bag to protect your front-end genitalia from unwanted rubbing. MWAHAHA!

There you have it: the tried-and-tested, surefire, 100% success rate, absolutely effective URBAN COMMUTER’S METHOD TO BOARDING EVEN THE MOST JAMPACKED MRT/LRT TRAINS!

Try it for yourself and see how well it works!

This information is brought to you by Rexona. Won’t let you down even when your armpit is in the nose of the person standing next to you.


5 thoughts on “Urban Commuter’s Method to Boarding Even the Most Jampacked MRT/LRT Trains!

  1. question? if you raise your arms and your smooth pits shows, and the person standing next to you seems to want to lick it, would you find it erotically pleasing? i heard it is an erogenous zone of women?


  2. hahaha.. this is a nice post, informative to the last word.. :) read it as you advised. good thing though, i live in calamba so i would take mrt rides rarely.. :) will keep your tips in mind.. :) cheers, lionel!


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